When in Doubt

When in doubt about something...I often reflect on my lifelong loyalty to the Detroit Lions.

Down, out, and often forgotten.....they've fought hard to be on top, playing well, and living it up.

Just Another Indy Weekend

Last Sunday Lauren and I had perfect weather, were caught up on work, had the day to relax....and had pit passes to the Speedway.

Why I love this town?  Enough said...

Pit Pass?  Best wife ever

we aren't even that sunburnt!

Forget the new car bodies....the old man who is the owner of this awesome setup has inspired me

it's a full service gas station....flashbacks to being in Oregon and not being able to pump my own gas

she was excited

this is just totally cool...parked in gasoline alley

We're loyal, Thanks IU Health for everything you do

great place to lean back and enjoy a beverage

It's a long and lonely road?

up close

I always wonder if they race the utility carts on the track after hours...I would

just a neat shot

much to my disbelief he was NOT reaching for a frosty longneck

all I wanted to do was a build a tire fort

What's up Dario?

"Oh no...aftter you sir"

They had the right of way

it wouldn't be a day if Lauren didn't find a horse

Checking In

What happens when the company you are an executive for totally redoes the website, undertakes Twitter and Facebook much more aggressively than before and decides to launch a corporate blog all in the same week?

….your own blog goes to pieces.

It’s been a bit crazy in our house in a very good way.  We’ve been having fun and working hard (because as my dad always said….you have to work hard to be able to have fun) and things are really in the groove.

I had been meaning to grab the photos Lauren has from last weekend to do a photo blog because honestly the thought of typing makes me cringe with as much of it as I’ve been doing these past few weeks. 

So I’ll make this short and sweet because this article today inspired me:

http://content.usatoday.net/dist/custom/gci/InsidePage.aspx?cId=indystar&sParam=55169760.story

Lauren and I were approached a few weeks ago by the National Coalition for Safer Roads (http://ncsrsafety.org/) and were asked if we wanted to become involved with their organization.  It focuses primarily on the impact of those that run red lights and the devastating results that occur.

With our ongoing process with the Indiana Legislature working on changes to the Indiana Code we thought it was a great fit and a good platform to help make a difference.  We’ve said all along that we will never stop trying to make a positive impact out of the tragedy that occurred in our lives and as we approach our two year wedding anniversary we’re emotionally at a point where we can focus our energy on making such an impact for society.

A not-so-wise man lectured me about “rage” through the written word of The Blog last month in a pretty asinine fashion.  The written words of the past year and the actual life experiences have provided us the opportunity to be able to help make a change and that is truer now than ever before.  There is a difference between “rage” and “the ugly real life truth” and I understand that the not-so-wise man doesn’t comprehend the difference but I wouldn’t expect him too…hence the nickname of “not-so-wise”.

The current plan is to do a day of filming towards the middle of June here in Indianapolis for testimonial/media purposes.  I think it’s a great start to being able to highlight the reality of what occurred for us and what will occur for somebody else today, tomorrow, and the next day when they learn that their family member or friend was killed because of a person who ran a red light.  If one person puts down their phone, decides to not try and beat the light because they’re late, or just straight up pays more attention because of our story maybe there will be one less family that has to grieve a devastating loss because of such carelessness from others.

Cheers and “RAGE ON!”

-th

Flying Pig Half Marathon Race Recap

To say that my first half marathon of the year at Flying Pig last Sunday took me out of my comfort zone is an understatement. Remember all those marathon pictures when I was smiling the whole time, I wasn’t smiling Sunday. A few might have come out after the finish but there were times on the course that I was downright hateful.

SB and NH have been running this race for the past five years and I was added to the tradition last year. We left Saturday afternoon to head down to Cincinnati since the race starts at 6:30am Sunday. We hit up the expo which was packed! But I did get a pair of CEP compression sleeves…in hot pink that I have had my eye on for a while. So far I’m a big fan! I’m always happy when I can wear my flip flops after a run.  We then checked in to the hotel, and then headed to meet up with some friends at dinner. After a wonderful pasta dinner, and a few beers we ended up back at the hotel for an early bed time. Oh, we also had time to do nails! You’re never too old for a nail party and we of course needed pretty nails for the race.

5am is an early wake up call, especially on a Sunday. We dressed, had breakfast, did some pre race stretching and left 30 minutes before the start time to walk across the bridge from Kentucky to the start line by the river and both stadiums. On the walk over I could tell it was going to be a warm one when the long sleeve throw away shirt I was wearing made me start to sweat. Running in the heat makes me nervous because historically my body hasn’t responded well. I ran terrible at the Women’s Half last September and have had to drop out of a few training runs on some of the hottest days. Oh well, I paid my $85, by damn I’m getting my medal.

At 6:30am on the dot and Katy Perry’s “Firework” playing on the loud speakers, we were off. Running through downtown city streets with 30,000 plus people at such an early hour seems crazy but the vibe is awesome, the views from the bridges are great and I was able to settle into a comfortable pace. After mile 4, I was covered in sweat and hot. I quickly knew it was going to be a long day. I put my sunglasses down, took a GU at mile 5 and was just waiting for miles 6 – 8 which I knew were all up hill.

Mentally I was prepared for the big hills going into Eden Park and knew once I got through them the course was all downhill. Um, not sure if the landscape of Cincinnati has changed since last year but I’m going to argue that mile 5 through 9 were all uphill this year. I took a stretching break at mile 8 and knew I just needed to hit the down hills and get to the finish. The heat must have been affecting me because despite having my Garmin on, I still wasn’t able to do the math to calculate my finishing time.

Should have done more of these in training.

Then the hatefulness started. When I expected we would be going down, we had to go up again. These were the thoughts running through my head, “this is so fucking stupid, why am I running this race? There is a perfectly flat course right in my backyard in Indy. That’s it I’m never running this race again. Next year I’m doing the Mini. This race sucks. It’s not worth it. I’m only coming back here as a fan”. So for the people, who think ponies and rainbows fill runner’s heads think again. There are mental battles that take place. Right at the height of my hateful thoughts we started to go downhill, then a girl taps me on the shoulder, fist bumps me and says, “this is the best part”. No shit I thought. I told her I had been waiting for it and then I took off. I needed to make up some serious time I decided.

Once I hit the 12 mile mark I knew I was close to a PR and crushing my time from the race last year. But I think someone kept moving the finishing line because it seemed like the LONGEST mile EVERRRRR. Unfortunately, I ran so hard that my body decided it didn’t like how long this mile was and about 500 meters from the finish line I had to stop and “toss my cookies”. I wasn’t going to make it across the line, trust me I tried to hold it for a few steps. I finished my business (sorry to all the fans) and sprinted for the finish.

I crossed the line in 1:56:44. It’s a 10 minute PR from my Flying Pig last year and had I not had to take a little pre finish break I may have set a new personal PR. OH well, either way this was a great race for me. This was the first half marathon that I truly ran hard for 13 miles and didn’t feel like I was just trying to survive the distance. Today I was trying to survive the hills. I ran my last 3 miles faster than any other miles and felt strong. I can’t wait to see what I can do with two more months of training and running a FLAT course in Chicago in July.

As for my hatefulness, I’m still undecided about returning next year. Knowing myself, I’m sure I will. Of course I’ll be just as hateful because the race hurt! But as my good friend, NH reminded me; you only grow as a runner by getting out of your comfort zone. Ugh, she is usually right.

What my Twenties Have Taught Me

Work has been a little bit slower so I’ve had some time to take a breath and catch up on some of my favorite blogs and finally decide to leap back into our family blog that Tom has dominated the past four months.  I came across a series on a wonderful blog I discovered about three years ago titled, “What I’ve learned in my Twenties” and thought this was a perfect topic for me!

First, I’m turning 27 next month.  I will have officially entered into my late twenties, guess I’m now closer to 30 than a recent college graduate…weird. Although that would explain my inability to play a full game of Sink the Biz…tragic yes, I know.

Secondly, I think I have to top the list on life lessons learned before the age of 30. I’ve learned more about life in the past two years than most people probably learn before their 50^th birthdays, if not ever. So in every effort possible to turn my horrific situation into a positive, I thought I would share. 

My early twenties were spent exploring Europe, staying up late with friends and roommates, studying for tests and writing too many papers, and planning for my future. The list of dreams and goals I had for myself varied from becoming a bartender in Key West, to becoming a lawyer, to working odd jobs and exploring the world or getting my PhD. Who knows but my parents taught me to dream and dream I did! Or course they knew that most of those wouldn’t actually happen but it taught me to realize that I’m capable of anything I set my mind to. Never did I think my mental strength and will to live would play such a part in my key survival by my mid twenties.

It’s no small secret that somewhere in the mix Tom and I met, fell madly, head of heels in love and decided we wanted to spend our lives together, exploring the world and being a royal pain in the ass to most. Insert June 5, 2010. While I can’t say all of our dreams died that day, they all changed. Our outlook on life, our needs, and our goals took a different path. Instead of living life in the clouds of nothing can stop us, all of our plans were scratched out with a red pen and we were told to rewrite everything.

We’ve learned to live life day to day, enjoying the small things. It’s the love that we have for each other that is so important. The never ending support, guidance, and little push that we give each other that has helped steer us through these muddy waters of our mid twenties. Neither of us would be where we are today, without each other.

I’ve learned that family and true friends are everything.

Having a true friend that you can call at a moment’s notice is much more valuable than having 20 friends you casually meet out at the bar.

Enjoy the simple things: homemade breakfast, movie night, a trip to the Farmer’s Market, date night, a good dinner with friends. It’s these small acts that make daily life enjoyable. Yes, a trip to Europe or a trip to California is also amazing but you can’t live those daily.  It’s finding the excitement in your daily activities that will bring the most joy to your life.

Balance and taking care of yourself: It’s key to keeping yourself within your limits and not over extending too much. You can’t give 100 percent of yourself to everything in life. Trust me, I like to fit 87 activities into a 24 hour period and still expect 8 hours of sleep. It’s not possible; I’ve tried it, multiple times. You have to find a balance that works for you and realize it may change week to week or day to day as the needs of your life change. It is most important to keep you and your family’s best interests in mind. If that means saying no, then say no. While you may feel guilty at first, in the end it’s the best for all parties. If you are tired, stressed out, over worked and over run, you won’t be a help to anyone. Take the time you need for you, keep your best interests in mind and as a result you’ll be a better person to all parties involved in your life.

Lastly, take advantage of your health. If someday you want to run a marathon or join a gym. Do it today, because there is no warning when it will be gone.

So there ya have it, some of the large life lessons I’ve learned so far in my twenties. As I enter my late twenties next month, I know there will be more life lessons that will come. But what I do know is that I can dream, I can find the joy in the small things and every night I come home to a husband (and three crazy dogs) that love me more than anything and those are the important things.

TGIF

-TH-

This week was a bizarre one that included trying to get back to our routines, getting our dogs back into their routines, finding my workflow, and getting a wisdom tooth pulled mid week.  I think we’re finally recovered from the craziness of the past few months and this weekend is looking like a pretty decent one to chase around the dogs in the yard and get the grill fired up.

Lauren has had a ton of work on her plate and spent the first half of the week with her laptop attached to her while on the couch as the dogs eyed a way to get it away from her and bury it in the backyard.  I wasn’t exactly the most fun to be around after getting a wisdom tooth pulled (and knowing I have 3 more to go over the summer) but she gave me the option of pulling one at a time so I can at least function and talk.  I had a meeting downtown Tuesday right after it got pulled and luckily the guy I was meeting knows me pretty well and just found humor in me trying to talk with the gauze packing in my mouth.  I hadn’t really planned on getting the wisdom tooth pulled when I went in on Tuesday so I also hadn’t cleared my schedule and so I tried to bully my way through the day. Finally at 2:30 found the couch and called it home with only a few whimpers.  Lauren was kind enough to back off on our original Tuesday night dinner we were going to cook as it sounded way to crunchy and hard…so instead I was able to get some pizza down without any issues. 

I bounced back Wednesday pretty well and we were onsite for youth programming at work.  The only bummer was that I bailed out on the Little 500 banquet because between the drive, still being a bit sore, and just wanting to hang out with Lauren it was going to be too much.  Instead L and I ran a few errands and had a nice relaxing evening at home. 

I was just trying to figure out how to get to my office at the top of the steps...it's like a game of Logic and Taxi combined 

Yesterday after a bunch of work stuff I finally found some good rhythm and flow and mostly back to my old self.  I’ve been sleeping a couple of hours more than I ever normally do and I think my body is just finally recovering from the past few months.  I seem to go in phases of not being able to sleep because of my mind working overtime or my body knowing it needs to shut down and letting me get some serious rest.  Since I seem to be on the “rest” portion of that routine I’ll take full advantage of it and use this weekend to relax some more.  I missed a chance to go celebrate Rockville's birthday last night becuase I was still sore but I can't keep up with him anyways; let alone with the handicap I had thanks to the wisdom tooth.

I think I’m going to go get in the pool for a swim workout for the first time in a very long time this weekend and see how that goes.  I’ve been fighting a couple of persistent issues and want to get some feedback from my body before a doctor’s appointment next week.

That’s about as normal of a week as we get in this house and not a moment too soon for either one of us.  Enjoy the weekend whomever you are, and don’t forget to “rage on!”

Cheers

-th

"Despite All My Rage"

-TH-

I asked Jim to help me out with three things last week when I was at his gravesite last Wednesday:

1.      Help me be strong last Thursday

2.      Let me find something to celebrate

3.      Give me a sign it’s going to be okay

He helped me out with 1 and helped me find the strength I needed to stick to my gut.  Delts won on Saturday at L5 and we had a big celebration for number 2.

So, what about 3?  Tying in the love of music I often talk about an old favorite band dropped a new album yesterday for the first time in 8 years yesterday morning.  I quickly got it on my iPod and headed out the door at 7:30 to get a wisdom tooth pulled.  The first song on the album answered request 3 from me given its reference of rage, frustration, giving up, being in a bad spot because of others, saying goodbye to certain things, and a torn Achilles heel.

 

Eve 6

“Curtains”

Burning like an open nerve
I'm running like a dog
on linoleum
I don' t know how come
but the effect of you on me is too much
bro its' like your speaking code
I'm only 3 months old
I swear I'm so close
to buying a bottle of SoCo
a pack of smokes and saying fuck it all

'cause I tried to forgive you
for the shit you put me through
but it's just the hardest thing to do

so I guess it's goodbye brother
goodbye rock and roll
guess it's goodbye to the only life I know
it's a shame you couldn't just say you were hurting
I'll see you on the other side of the curtain

turning like a broken wheel
my own Achilles heel
tell me how does it feel
to have a normal day
despite all my rage
I'm just a rat in a cage
thoughts, they come and crowd my mind
and they're never kind
it happens all the time, it happens all the time
I'm running out of time, I'm running out of time

so I guess it's goodbye brother
goodbye rock and roll
guess it's goodbye to the only life I know
it's a shame you couldn't just say you were hurting
I'll see you on the other side of the curtain

now the spotlight shines upon you all alone
cuts a circle 'round your velvet throne
you take in the applause and give a shallow bow
I'm watching in the rafters now

and you strike up that pose while they're throwing the roses
lifting up your arms like the statue of Moses
one door opens another one closes
I'm watching in the rafters now

Thanks for the reminder of sticking to my values brother.  Hope the view is good in the rafters wherever they may be.

Cheers and “Rage On!”

-th

“The World’s Greatest College Weekend”

-TH-

Making good on my promise from last week…

“Onwards towards something, there is still a show going on”

Now that we have that out of the way, we jumped right back into our normal life by enjoying what is an annual tradition in the Hanley household…Little 500.

Lauren is a Little 500 champion in 2007, most of my friends whom I met racing collegiately were Little 5 riders, I’ve been going to the event since before I met Lauren, and since 2007 I’ve been involved in helping Polish Pollock behind the scenes and since 2008 have been the race day mechanic for the team he coaches all year long. 

Combine all of that with Bloomington being our happy place where we go to get away, our favorite bars, and being back in the best college town in America and it always makes for a good time.  Friends come back in town, and for at least one day no matter what the outcome we all enjoy it as a Homecoming to catch up and live it up.

For the past few years that has let me get to know the Delta Tau Delta fraternity.  It’s been a great group of guys with a solid group of young alumni that are immensely talented and committed to getting their first victory in the history of the race.  The past two years have been rainy and cold and we had sincerely hoped that this year would be sunny and 75 degrees like the rest of the spring.  We weren’t quite fortunate enough to get that, but it was dry and that meant I wasn’t miserable the whole time. 

The race was a classic and with what is always a mix of talent and pure luck no matter whom or what the event is; the best legs won on Saturday with a great ride.  Delts protected themselves and avoided the crashes and when the time was right they put in an effort that got the space needed for a 20 lap off the front win. 

Far left (only one not wearing red)

Great picture

I had my hands full on the infield working on the bikes as every rider had their own set of handlebars and seats so every time we exchanged I had to scurry across the track and get the next bike ready to go.  With the way the pits were stacked we were right next to Cutters and that meant that I was working around the media cameras and photographers all day.  Things went smoothly and as the cards sorted themselves out the guys did exactly what they needed to do.

I'm wearing the black and yelling about who is going in next to Polish Pollock

We’ve had a bunch of top 5’s on teams I’ve worked with in the past 6 years and it was great to finally shake that monkey off the backs and get the win.  I couldn’t be prouder of the guys or the coaches for all the hard work and persistence shown. 

The Banquet tomorrow night with the guys down in Btown—which is always a good time and wrap up to the L5 year.

Cheers

-th

Pictures Fade Away...But Memory is Forever

New Found Glory

"sonny"

I'm sorry
I heard about the bad news today
A crowd of people around you
Telling you it's okay
And everything happens for a reason

When you lose a part of yourself
To somebody you know
It takes a lot to let go
Every breath that you remember
Pictures fade away but memory is forever

It’s no secret we’re involved in The Lawsuit and it has been a long, painful, and frustrating process since The Mavris Wedding Bus Crash in June of 2010. We’ve wrote about the vast majority of it since we started writing last June, and therefore I wanted to write one last update before we go quiet for a bit. 

We have mediation scheduled for this Thursday with The Defense. The vast majority of victims hurt by John Mavris, South East Street/Mavris Arts and Events Center, Downtown Limousine & Shuttle, and Jerry Lowery will be in attendance or represented. We sincerely hope that fair resolution can be met by all parties; and if everyone acts like an adult I think it’s feasible. We’ve spent the past few months making sure we don’t “hope” for this Thursday because there is still a lot going on behind the scenes that directly impacts the ability to be done. I want nothing more than to walk away and close this portion of our lives, I want nothing more than to finally be able to process and grieve and accept what has happened. I’ve known all along that none of that would be possible until we were done with The Lawsuit and dealing with the ugly reality of what has transpired and the changes it has forever made in our lives both individually and as a couple.

My focus is already on the process of working with our contacts in the State Legislature and assuring that in the future victims will have the opportunity to see criminal justice when called for in what is currently a gaping hole in the legislation. The other reality is every day I go to work I am striving to spread the same passion for cycling Jim and I shared and make an impact in somebody’s life the same way Jim made an impact in so many during his lifetime. My work to make the world a better place because of what we’ve had to suffer will never end, and will always be a driving force in our home.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t close my eyes and have to relive what happened and the emotions behind it. There isn’t a night that goes by that I don’t wake up, usually in a cold sweat, because of the memories of what happened and what I saw and felt.

A settlement out of mediation this week doesn’t change any of that. It doesn’t fix my back, my head, replace what I have lost in my cycling career, replace what Lauren lost as a bride, has endured herself or as she watched me often stumble through the past two years, and it most certainly doesn’t replace the life of my best friend and the relationship I had with him that I miss every day. This “is what it is” as JBD would say, and at this point it’s finding a mutually agreeable business decision so we can all try and finally find the ability to let this go so it can be a memory we reflect upon instead of still living. I say that full well knowing I'll often hear those same words on Thursday as The Defense plays their games.

I’ve fought like hell for the past two years; I’ve fought like hell to heal myself, seek justice in the criminal courts, seek justice in the civil courts, seek answers on why this happened, how this happened, and the facts about those responsible. I’ve learned more about society and humanity in my experiences from this than I ever imagined. L has been by my side the entire time supporting me and guiding me when I didn’t know “how” to fight; and even in the darkest hours of emotions we have made it through to the other side.

For as much as we lost we’ve also gained. I have a “sister” whom I didn’t’ know before, I have JBD’s parents whom have shown me what it means to be strong even when there is no expectation to be, Lauren and I have learned who our true friends are (and aren’t), and know that even on the brink of insanity in this world we still have one another.

With what is coming this week I know that good, bad, or indifferent we’re going to be emotionally drained. I have no idea what the next steps will be for us regardless if we are done or this continues a path towards trial. I know The Blog won’t get an update for at least the week and possibly longer and either way we won’t be saying much about the outcome of Thursday besides “it’s done” or “onwards to trial we go”.

No matter the outcome; I know Thursday I’ll be using the phrase “fuckshithelldamn” as it might be the only thing that remotely captures the process and emotion of that day and every day for the past two years. The fact that my best friend is the one who taught me that…I honor him every time it comes out of my mouth and someday I’ll teach his nephews the proper use of it as well…!

We’ll see you on the other side of this…wherever that might be.


Cheers

-th

Why?

-TH-

There is an old college urban legend that goes something like:

A professor of philosophy gave his final exam to his students.  As he passed out the test materials there were many audible gasps of confusion by his students.  As one student is handed the paper, he writes down one word, hands the paper back to his professor and leaves.  Many students didn’t finish their responses in the allotted two hour limit and after the grading was done there was only one student who deserved an “A”. 

The philosophy final consisted of one word, “WHY?”  The student who only spent a minute on the test answered “WHY NOT?” and received the highest marks.

That story and the others like it I always keep in the back of my mind.  I’ve never hesitated to ask “why” and “why not” even if it is the standard in society, and as I’m sure is quite visible through my writings that my punk rock phase of life is something I never completely grew out of, both the music and philosophy aspects.  I have the utmost respect for deserved authority but never hesitate to look at life with alternative colored glasses.  Many times I’m wrong, many more times I’m right; but I’m always comfortable knowing I followed my principles.

Given I have a feeling it will be in the media here soon I thought I would share a story that occurred yesterday morning.  As I was walking out the door to run some work errands I casually strolled down to get the mail at the same time I do every morning.  There was a letter from the State Representative I’ve been working with on the foundation needed for legislation changes for vehicular manslaughter and as I stood in the middle of our driveway reading I realized there was a car approaching.  As I looked up I realized it was a Marion County Sheriff with a whole lot of paperwork in his hand asking me if I was “Harold T. Hanley”.  The quick mental math of “if it was notification of next of kin it wouldn’t be a sheriff”, “I’m 100% positive there isn’t a warrant out for something”, led to “I’m about to be served”.

Sure enough, the sheriff was there to serve Lauren and me in a suit filed by State Farm against us and the rest of the victims and responsible parties from The Crash.  It’s moving for summary judgment to say they don’t have to pay in a similar way to the Federal Case we are in the midst of; only in this case it’s irritating because State Farm was Jerry Lowery’s personal auto policy and Lauren and I did not sue Jerry Lowery personally for this reason among others. 

The things to keep in mind here:

1.      As everyone has reminded me in the past 24 hours there was no need to use a sheriff to serve us

2.      They knew where our attorneys were given they had used filings from the other cases and could/should have served them

3.      We didn't even use a sheriff with Mavris last year when we filed

4.      Normally I’m wearing gym shorts and a t-shirt without shoes as I get the mail.  Luckily I was dressed to leave the house yesterday when this all occurred because all I could think of was “damn, otherwise I’d look like the guys on COPS getting taken down for something or another”.

5.      In the past 2 years; we’ve filed litigation against those responsible and yet we’ve been sued twice in actions related to insurance companies looking to not pay.

6.      As my NPO has applied for a bunch of grants over the past few weeks I wonder what the impact is as they research two of our executive staff and see we are named as defendants in litigation in which we are actually the victims….hopefully they read the case instead of seeing that and tossing our application out.

7.   Because if everything else we have experienced and learned thanks to John Mavris and his employees wasn't bad enough; this is insult on top of insult.

So; congrats State Farm on losing a potential client and family forever.  We’ll stick with the insurance companies that promote Mayhem, a Gecko, Flo, a Duck, the Umbrella, or anyone else over your real life bully tactics.  I’m pretty sure no matter what marketing you use; I’ll always relate it to a Marion County Sheriff in my driveway.

The simplest question is; “Why Not?”

Cheers (and make sure you’re dressed when you go to get mail…you never know when you’ll have a visitor)

-th